03/20: Thoughts over a glass of Harpoon Triticus
So, I have an entry I've been working on that was going to go up around my birthday.
This, however, is not that entry. :-) I'm still working on that one and have it on my netbook, and I just haven't had any time to work on it recently... so, sometimes, it sucks to be me. :-)
This week seemed to be harder to get through than normal. It seemed like I was getting attacked from every angle at certain times, and at other times, I just wanted to hide and leave the world behind. I feel like I've conquered it somehow, though - remember, people, you can't wrap your arms around the world. You have to break things down into parts that you can handle. If you don't do that, you're not helping anyone and CERTAINLY not helping yourself, you know? So I've been trying to handle things from a different angle. If I can do that, then maybe I can conquer the rest of it. But for right now, I'm working on putting the past in the past and not letting it affect me anymore. There's two things from my past that I'm working on in particular, but that's a story for another time. If it wasn't for my (some of) my family and my friends (including a few in particular), I don't think I'd be where I am right now - as happy in my life as I am. Yeah, I go through these times where it seems like having my own car/apartment/etc isn't really all that impressive, but to be honest? The more I think about it, it is. And so what if I'm losing a bit of money? Without going into much detail, my raise last year didn't cover my increased bills. It just took me about... 9 months to realize that fact, and now that I have, I realize why I'm down a bit this year. But I can still cover my bills every month, just need to tighten the belt a little further.
And speaking of belt tightening, in case anyone's not aware, I've been working on losing weight ever since the beginning of the year. I started the year at 220.5, and as of last Monday, I'm at 197.5 - 23 pounds down for the year so far. I'm hoping to drop another 7 pounds by my trip to Belgium in a couple of weeks (holy crap, I'm going to Belgium in a couple of weeks), but if I don't, well... I don't. All it would mean is that I'm not down 30 pounds by the time I go to Belgium. :-) The way I've been going so far, I'm just trying to figure out how to go back to the life I used to live - at least, somewhat - but still keep the weight off. I miss grabbing whatever I want for lunch, you know? I've definitely gotten a lot better about portions and the like, but there's other things I miss - something simple like my "hot dog soup". I know it's not very good for me, but dammit, I miss it. Such a good, simple, hearty soup. Good in the summer because it's a different take on a barbecue, and good in the winter because it's too cold to barbecue. There are certain things I've learned to go without and/or retime, such as my nighttime beer. Dead calories from having a beer and then immediately going to bed isn't helping me in this battle. So if I want to have a beer after work/on the weekend, have it during the evening. Have it a few hours before bed. Even though I'm not necessarily giving myself a chance to burn off the calories, it's better than having them in bed (on occasion, literally). I'm a little surprised how well I've done with all this - but I know it's important to me, it's something I've wanted, so... maybe I shouldn't be so surprised. I'm not sure. But at the end of the day, I like the feeling I'm getting from all this. I know I'm doing something good for myself. I know I'm doing the right thing and changing a LOT of my habits, and to be honest, it feels DAMN good when someone comments on the fact I've lost weight. I just have to figure out where that common ground is between weight-loss CB and weight-maintenance CB.
But now I'm realizing that there's so much more I could be doing for myself to make myself a better person. Every now and again I'll look at that pick that Bob gave me and think about trying again to teach myself to play the guitar. Or I'll look at the stuffed bear that keeps watch over my living room and think about who gave him to me. And I think about how, if that person ever came here again, I would be ashamed to have them over when the apartment looks like this. Maybe I should look into taking a course of some kind. I'm not sure if I'd want to go over to NCCC and take a philosophy class, or if I would be better suited with a one-off cooking class, or... what, exactly.
And at the same time, I think I need to figure out a bit better what I should be spending my money on. As in for myself. There's a way to make a yeast starter that involves a pressure cooker. So I went out and bought myself two pressure cookers - one $10 and one $60. The more expensive one will be much better suited to the task of making yeast starters, believe it or not, but I could probably hack it with the $10 one. So the question then becomes do I go frugal and figure out how to do it with the cheaper one, or do I do it properly with the more expensive one? I never did buy myself a formal birthday present this year like the watch last year, but at the same time, I'm trying to save money, but at the same time, I'm not so hard up that I need to start drinking water and eating saltines for every meal...
Guess I have some stuff to think about.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a refill on my beer. :-)
This, however, is not that entry. :-) I'm still working on that one and have it on my netbook, and I just haven't had any time to work on it recently... so, sometimes, it sucks to be me. :-)
This week seemed to be harder to get through than normal. It seemed like I was getting attacked from every angle at certain times, and at other times, I just wanted to hide and leave the world behind. I feel like I've conquered it somehow, though - remember, people, you can't wrap your arms around the world. You have to break things down into parts that you can handle. If you don't do that, you're not helping anyone and CERTAINLY not helping yourself, you know? So I've been trying to handle things from a different angle. If I can do that, then maybe I can conquer the rest of it. But for right now, I'm working on putting the past in the past and not letting it affect me anymore. There's two things from my past that I'm working on in particular, but that's a story for another time. If it wasn't for my (some of) my family and my friends (including a few in particular), I don't think I'd be where I am right now - as happy in my life as I am. Yeah, I go through these times where it seems like having my own car/apartment/etc isn't really all that impressive, but to be honest? The more I think about it, it is. And so what if I'm losing a bit of money? Without going into much detail, my raise last year didn't cover my increased bills. It just took me about... 9 months to realize that fact, and now that I have, I realize why I'm down a bit this year. But I can still cover my bills every month, just need to tighten the belt a little further.
And speaking of belt tightening, in case anyone's not aware, I've been working on losing weight ever since the beginning of the year. I started the year at 220.5, and as of last Monday, I'm at 197.5 - 23 pounds down for the year so far. I'm hoping to drop another 7 pounds by my trip to Belgium in a couple of weeks (holy crap, I'm going to Belgium in a couple of weeks), but if I don't, well... I don't. All it would mean is that I'm not down 30 pounds by the time I go to Belgium. :-) The way I've been going so far, I'm just trying to figure out how to go back to the life I used to live - at least, somewhat - but still keep the weight off. I miss grabbing whatever I want for lunch, you know? I've definitely gotten a lot better about portions and the like, but there's other things I miss - something simple like my "hot dog soup". I know it's not very good for me, but dammit, I miss it. Such a good, simple, hearty soup. Good in the summer because it's a different take on a barbecue, and good in the winter because it's too cold to barbecue. There are certain things I've learned to go without and/or retime, such as my nighttime beer. Dead calories from having a beer and then immediately going to bed isn't helping me in this battle. So if I want to have a beer after work/on the weekend, have it during the evening. Have it a few hours before bed. Even though I'm not necessarily giving myself a chance to burn off the calories, it's better than having them in bed (on occasion, literally). I'm a little surprised how well I've done with all this - but I know it's important to me, it's something I've wanted, so... maybe I shouldn't be so surprised. I'm not sure. But at the end of the day, I like the feeling I'm getting from all this. I know I'm doing something good for myself. I know I'm doing the right thing and changing a LOT of my habits, and to be honest, it feels DAMN good when someone comments on the fact I've lost weight. I just have to figure out where that common ground is between weight-loss CB and weight-maintenance CB.
But now I'm realizing that there's so much more I could be doing for myself to make myself a better person. Every now and again I'll look at that pick that Bob gave me and think about trying again to teach myself to play the guitar. Or I'll look at the stuffed bear that keeps watch over my living room and think about who gave him to me. And I think about how, if that person ever came here again, I would be ashamed to have them over when the apartment looks like this. Maybe I should look into taking a course of some kind. I'm not sure if I'd want to go over to NCCC and take a philosophy class, or if I would be better suited with a one-off cooking class, or... what, exactly.
And at the same time, I think I need to figure out a bit better what I should be spending my money on. As in for myself. There's a way to make a yeast starter that involves a pressure cooker. So I went out and bought myself two pressure cookers - one $10 and one $60. The more expensive one will be much better suited to the task of making yeast starters, believe it or not, but I could probably hack it with the $10 one. So the question then becomes do I go frugal and figure out how to do it with the cheaper one, or do I do it properly with the more expensive one? I never did buy myself a formal birthday present this year like the watch last year, but at the same time, I'm trying to save money, but at the same time, I'm not so hard up that I need to start drinking water and eating saltines for every meal...
Guess I have some stuff to think about.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a refill on my beer. :-)
Josiah wrote:
Still waiting on my, er, my wife's beer though. =D